I Resolve

Well, it’s that time again. Time to indulge in that time-honored tradition of making promises to myself that I will eventually break amid much cursing of my lack of will power. Of course, I have the best of intentions; it’s just that my self-disciplinary muscles are weak and flabby (which puts them in good company). All the more reason to flex them on this yearly occasion.

So, in that spirit, I resolve…

…to slow down and pay more attention. To myself, to my environment, to others. In short, to be more present in my life.
…to spend more time on self-examination and introspection. I am just beginning to understand this person that lives inside my head, but it is a delicate, complex and time-consuming process.
…to listen more. This really overlaps with the other two, but it deserves its own mention. I spend a lot of my life attempting not to hear things, and as a result, I miss out on a lot of good stuff.

And now that I’ve gotten the lofty and intellectual-sounding goals out of the way, I also resolve…

…to actually buckle down and write. Anything. Everything. Blogs, diaries, lists, notes, tweets, poems, short stories, and (gasp! dare I suggest it?) even a novel!
…to eat better and exercise.
…to get rid of all the crap that’s cluttering up my apartment (and my life)!
…to finally get my finances in order.
…to learn to play my guitar, damnit!
…to dance more.
…to laugh more.
…to never take myself too seriously.

Good luck with your own resolutions, and may all your dreams for 2010 come true.

Good Day

I love my new job. It's so nice to work somewhere normal again. I have normal hours, normal pay, heck, even normal coworkers. I had forgotten how awesome normal is. I'm still amazed at what a simple joy it is to come in, make myself a cup of tea, then sit at my desk (my desk) and go through my emails amid the gentle chatter of my arriving coworkers and the occasional quiet snuffling of the owner's dachshund.

Such a great day today. Even with my predecessor off to the maternity ward sooner than expected, and some fun, technical difficulties that took half the day to fix, working there is still heaven. And on my way home, I explored one of the Middle Eastern bakeries along Mt. Auburn called Sevan.

I bought falafel and hummus, dates, pistachios and jordan almonds. I even tried one of their dolmas, which the man behind the counter was kind enough to heat up for me; heaven! I can't wait to go back and try their baclava and buy some tubs of olives. Mmm, and so many varieties of Turkish delight! Yum.

And now, I'm home. The wind and rain beats against my windows while I enjoy my hummus and watch an old movie. I'll head to bed in a bit, get a good night's sleep, and do it all over again.

I can't remember the last time I was so happy with the everyday.

A New Start

So. A new name, a new place, a new life. A new start.

I wish I were as confident about new beginnings as I had been at 18. Or at 20. It's amazing what a decade will do...

So far on this little adventure, things have been going well. Slow... but well. I must say I'm anxious to really get out there and live my own life for once. Unfortunately, circumstances dictate that I must begin at square one. I have no money, no job, and no place of my own. I live, as at 18, at the mercy of my parents, who have been quite merciful indeed.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents. They have been generous and supportive and wonderful. But I like to think of myself, at least in my more phlegmatic moments, as an adult. It's disappointing to think that I've lived all this time, invested a great deal of effort, and the life that I had carved out for myself fell apart.

And why, I'd like to know, have I grown as a human being and shed the beneficial attributes of youth yet retained some of the more troublesome ones? How can I have lost the brazen confidence and reckless fearlessness while continuing to cling to impatience and impracticality? It's just not fair, I tell you.

Oh, well. I suppose if life has taught me anything thus far, it is that the universe seems to operate in patterns, even if I cannot step back far enough to appreciate the big picture, and as long as I behave and don't eat too many cookies before bed time, all will be made clear in the end.

Still, I hate waiting...